Parenting by Steven Loh Hong Boon

Through all the years of parenting and dealing with young children and youth, I realize that there are always times we do not know what we were talking about. A man's meat is another man's poison sound so true when the channels of communications are colored and distorted according to our whims and dreams. Somehow we want our children to live out our broken dreams!

My point is, we do not owned the children, God place them in our bosom to warm our hearts and let us enjoy the fruit of our procreative power, and at the same time enjoy and to rebuild relationships and teach us to communicate more effectively. Responsible even when things went real wrong and still have to address them rightfully. Very much a humbly act.

A miracle indeed to see live spring forth and blossoms under cares and love. We are steward and their keeper. To take care of them and enjoy them for as long as they
Are with us. Then one day, they will live a live apart from us. The only thing that bear our resemblance and our trade mark: the values we transferred to them and the little actions that they copied from us.

Thus we embraced them each night while they are with us and say, dear, you are special and we love you dearly.

~~~~~

I must say that it is very humbling when bringing up children. I have five of them and all of them have some resemblance to both of us,on the character scale of: loving kindness, generosity,expressiveness, gentleness, zeal, passions, diligence, intellectual,and obedience, all of them have different marks. If taking my
character and my wife, we are so different that we become complimentary. And the character of the children just taken some of mine and some of hers. Nothing is right or wrong, good or bad. We are all just unique and this to a call to be celebrated. We always have family conference to discuss major family issue and the decision is make when everyone feel at peace and agreeable. Due to our many movements throughout our lives, this has help us to build a strong bonds and friendship. Although we also have time of sharp disagreement! Some of their horns are like mine! And we learn to
shake off our anger before the sun came down. Not always true but we try.

The one who took the photos during the CNY Kukup gathering is currently studying A-level in Singapore under ASean scholarship offered by Singapore MOU. I do admire most of your children who build friendship in one locality, all my children are out of Malaysian educational system since couple of years ago when we decided to come to China. Now all of them possess some characteristics of third culture kids. One consolation, they are very closely knitted in their relationship and their spirit. They pray for one another, help each other, console and comfort one another, and spend time to Encourage one another when ones is down or fell out of love, and celebrate with each other when they received rewards or achievement. I think that bring us the greatest joy as parents.


Steven

No Worries

Meet Nick Vujicic
He'll teach you how not to worry and be happy.....


Nick Vujicic, No Arms, No Legs, No Worries! Part 3

SSP76 Retirement Village

My outlook for SSP76 has been long-term from the day I joined the group. I have brought up the idea of a senior citizen's village in Pontian comprising of about 30 units of self-contained houses customized for the aged. The ideal situation is for these units to be taken up by our batch-mates whose existence has a specially meaning to me. I am akin to planning for the future and I think it is time for us to consider aging gracefully and if possible in style too.

Loneliness and helplessness are two main sources of chagrin for those over 70. If we start building sincere and strong bond among us as from now, imagine the trust and intimacy we will have for one another in twenty years' time. If you sometime wonder about the reason behind my enthusiasm about the group's growth, growing old with people I am familiar with and esteem in a communal environment is the answer. In the merrier event of resting in peace before old age comes, I will consider my effort in the project a contribution to those who favour my idea.

Time flies, before we realize it, 60 will be upon us.


Michelle Ong


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I concurred with you on the senior citizen plan. I do have my own retirement plan which I would like to share out with those interested. After travelling to many countries ,the preferred choice still Malaysia especially Pontian. I’m looking for a piece of land app. 5-8 acres at reasonable cost suitable for agriculture: herbs, vegetables and fruits all year round. chalets with common facilities. No concrete plan until the suitable land is available. I'm committed to this project n ensure that this shall be a model plan pioneer status of a non profit retirement village farm.



Any new /better idea are welcome.


Ng Bak Seng


~~~~~


I have been playing with the same idea for about five years now. I have consulted a district council executive officer with a mere broad outline of thought and he said about the same as you have. Locating a piece of land is the first thing to do and it is better to secure it in this time of economic downturn. Feasibility is the next step and all the rest should fall in place.


SSP76 is a huge pool of human resources and I have entered upon it in good faith. 'Search and you will find' - that has been my motto since 26 August, the day I joined the group. Three months into deep interaction with the crowd so far, I have witnessed much, much more goodwill then I have experienced in other contexts elsewhere in my entire adult life.


With pooling of financial resources and ingenuity, plus lots of goodwill and trust, I believe we can achieve efficient use of our investment through sound management of funds and labour. Alone I cannot dream of successful execution of this plan; with a cohesive group I foresee hope.



I call upon those who are similarly inclined to contribute their ideas.

Michelle Ong


~~~~~


In twenty years' time we will all become old folks.


My ideal of a center set up by us is to cater to those of us who for one reason or another, are not fortunate enough to have family who are able and willing to accommodate us. Day care is thus a luxury this segment of us cannot afford as we do not have a home with our own family to return to. As old folks ourselves in time, running this center delicated to us members will be similar to running an old folk's home. Meng Kwang's experience in this area at this point is thus valuable for our reference to assist in strategic planning as well as in inplemtation later. This should give us good council on meeting our physical needs including general wellbeing and medical care. The fortunate old folks' emotional needs are normally provided by their family members but in its absence, we have no choice but to turn to our close friends. Building close ties now within our group members is thus a reasonable alternative.

'Self-help' is the main theme of my vision for our center rather than enlisting governmental or societal assistance. With this in mind, the appropriate questions to ask at this early stage is 'What must we do now in order to be able to help ourselves?' Again, Meng Kwang's experience has made us conscious that healthy living now is crucial as a preventive measure. For those of us who are to eventually involved in this programme who also enjoy good health and willing to render their service to the weaker in the group, they will become the pillars who organize, operate and lead this center.

What I am driving at now is to do the necessary early to give us the power to exercise control over our lives before we become powerless to help ourselves.


Michelle Ong


~~~~~


Going to an old folk's home (OFH) should be the last resort!


But on the contrary, this trend is slowly creeping into our busy lifestyle.....from my observation, I noticed many OFH/retirement homes have been mushrooming in PJ & KL the past few years. Guess it is also true in JB & S'pore.


Have you guys watched "Money not enough 2"? There is a emotional scene depicting the children sending their mother to the OFH! Maybe the children have their 'valid' reasons.


Thomas Lim


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Some suggestions about the retirement village:


1. To be at the sea side or on the hill, to have cleaner air and better energy (Qi).


2. The type of "si her yuan' like the olden days in China is good; four or more units sharing the same compound. Of course with modern facilities, attached bathroom, intercom to the nurse/doc/security..... etc. But with the old set up of people can gather around to chit chat, listen to music or play chess in the compound and under the trees, in the evening or morning.


3. Since this is done early, hopefully its not the type of hospital style of many beds in a room, the old folk is turned into patient over night!


4. Have some production or working space, so that those that know carpentry, tailoring, sewing, calligraphy, painting, baking, cooking ... or just fixing or packing work to earn income, more importantly to keep people busy and useful.


Tong Siew Bee

The Lake in Our Heart (contributed by Angie Ng & translated by Michelle Ong)

A monk asks his young disciple to put some salt into a cup and drink the saline solution.


'How does it taste?' he asked.


'Bitter!' the young man spitted it out and grimaced.


The master then asked him to put the remaining salt into a lake and take a sip of the lake water.


'How does it taste now?' he enquired again.


'Refreshing!'


'Have you tasted any saltiness?'


'Not at all.'


He took the opportunity to tell the young man the moral of the story:


'In life, suffering is like salt – not much but not little too. That's what we are bound to encounter. However, how much pain we experience depends on what type of vessel we put our suffering in….'


Thus, when you are suffering, open up you heart, DON'T BE A CUP, BE A LAKE.

~~~~~~
In my minds eyes I see the Master beckon me to repeat what his disciple has done.

I put all the salt I have collected over the years of misery I have gone through in the lake.

He gave me a nod of approval, confident of the outcome of my rite he prods: 'Go on, take a sip of the lake water.'

I comply but spit it out abruptly.

The whole lake has turned salty!

The old man looks at me with compassion and sighs. Finally, he shakes his head and turns away.

There is nothing he can do for me.

5050: 50 Big, 50 Small by the Punters

Hi All

Tong Siew Peng was from Pekan Nanas. Her faher well known for driving his school bus at a turtle"s pace. Very slow. Never exceed 50 kmph! Very Safe.

Tan Jin Wah

~~~~~

Hi All

Those of you who are punters may be interested to know this:

a) Tong Siew Peng’s father bus that was used to ferry the school children has plate number 5050

b) …”speed never exceed 50” -- did I hear 50 again?

50 big and 50 small. Sounds fun? Maybe we should round up those in the Group that interested in sharing the buy. RM300 all-in for the actual # play.


Anyone?

Sam Loh

~~~~~


Hi Sam

Well, if 50 big 50 small strike, what is the prize for everyone ? ( Time is bad, may be I can "tumpang" your luck and make a fast one! )


He, he ..........

Angie Ng



~~~~~


Hi Angie

It is equal split if you are part of the punters’ Group (yet to be formed). BTW, you are the first one to ask about it. So, are you staking in?

It has to be punters’ group luck if the idea ever takes off.

No money no talk and no talk no money. Even talking is not enough anymore in such tough times Got to push our luck a little harder once in a while (but don’t count on it though).

Sam Loh

No Lion and Leo but Dog and Puppy Stories - Epilogue

Last night, one of my neighbours must have taken all five of Molly’s puppies away when she was elsewhere hunting for food.

Today, she slumps by the empty den all morning looking desolate. There is much grief in her eyes as she muses listlessly, wondering what kind of life a dog’s life is.

Alone again, naturally.

Favouritism

Favouritism in School

This is just a thought that recently a friend discussed with me about. So I thought I'll just put these thoughts on the blog.

Favouritism is everywhere. In politics, in society, at home, in schools and if one wants to add in selection of food, it is there too, though it is of a different form.

I'd like to mention here on favouritism in school as this is a schoolmate blog. Some of us may not feel that it was there before, maybe because they were the favourite students of some of the teachers themselves. Of course this prejudice works the other way too. Certain teachers are some students' favourite, possible reasons being that they were 'good' teachers, or they paid more attention to those students (for whatever reasons you can put forward for their special attention), or they were great motivators to them, or they were simply more good-looking, prettier, sexier (??).

It was there, right? The favourite didn't know it, obviously. It was those who felt 'left out' who can swear that those teachers didn't even know that they were in their classes.

So is this fair? No, the world is never fair. In Capitalism it is not fair. The rich are super-rich, the poor are dying poor, and how many hardworking people can really make it. In Communism, it is also not fair. The hardworking gets the same as or even less than the lazy. So, we have to accept unfairness as a way of life.

So why is the world the way it is?

Our likes and dislikes. Anything that we like, we want more, resulting in greed, and anything we don't like, we want to get rid of, the faster the better, causing much aversion. If we are not careful, we become responsible for as much of the inequalities in society as the politicians.

So ......... the point being touch on here is we all see things from our own perspective. It is mostly useful to see things from another person's perspective.

Anyway this is still merely my perspective and perception. I don't want to be an 'I' specialist. And by the way my memory of the past could now well be a 'photoshop' version. We remember the good, justify the wrong and continue to forget. Photoshop copy of photographs often looks better than the original, doesn't it?

Ambiguous Victories and Sweet Defeats

At eighteen, while I was preparing for sixth grade pianoforte examination conferred by the Royal School of Music, one of the exam pieces was by the famed Polish composer, Federic Chopin. My inability to keep time accurately to render 1/16 of a beat discernible by the human ear often provoked my brother, also my music teacher into letting out a long tirade about my deficiency. In defiance, I quitted piano lessons and remained a mere fifth grade holder. This is to be one of my early defeats which has remained a lifelong regret.

Last year, more than thirty years later, I bought a piano to take up the challenge once more. After a month’s laborious attempt to get familiar with the long forgotten keys, I embarked upon an ambitious attempt on my favourite piece - ‘Fantasie-Impromptu Op. 66’ with audacity. I was in high spirit and jocularly called the feat ‘Battling Chopin’.

Failure hit me with full force immediately. Undaunted, I turned the newly bought music book to the page containing ‘Polonaise in A flat major Op. 53’, another favourite, only to face a repeated defeat. I closed the music book feeling dejected, inadvertently came face-to-face with Chopin’s portrait on the book’s cover. The maestro, immortalized by his masterpieces, seemed to glance at me coldly; through his melancholic eyes he seemed to mock: ‘Still can’t do it, uh?’

But for my resolve to fulfill my dream, I could have humbly chosen to play less formidable pieces by Richard Clayderman. I deliberated on my failure and ascribed it to the tempo of the two Chopin pieces. In my third attempt, I wisely chose a slower one – ‘Nocturne in C sharp minor Op. 15’ - theme from the movie, The Pianist starring Adrian Bodine. Finally, I made it; though by normal standard, I had played it twice slower and haltingly too with lots of mistakes all over. I am well aware that by a concert pianist's standard, my triumph is but a horrendous defeat. My triumph lies in the fact that at long last it is a Chopin’s piece that I have played and that I actually enjoy the interludes which I do play well. Despite careful consideration, I am still ambivalent about whether to deem the attempt a sweet defeat or an ambiguous victory.

Over the years it has become a habit of mine to take up big challenges to fulfill an ideal despite negative signals from logical thinking about the high probability of failure. My mind hollers: ‘You can’t do it!’ But I retort just as loud: ‘What have I got to lose?’

Indeed, the worst aftermath scenario in such stalwart attempt is to get a chance to enjoy the process of doing what I want to do. Whereas a positive outcome is most desirable, a negative one makes me feel that I have given my best to gratify my wish; my best may not be good enough for others but it is for me.

Today, one year after taking up piano again, I humbly revert to Clayderman just to enjoy the wonderful uplifting sensation of soaring with the music I make; now that the battle with Chopin has been ambiguously rendered won.

Ambition wise, I have embarked on an attempt to formulate a novel way of looking at life and thence test it by living it out. The time frame I have allotted to it is five years starting from now. This endeavour is a repeat of my feat of battling Chopin. It is not difficult to foresee the pain and struggle lying ahead of me – a person of average caliber. I am fully prepared to accept a negative outcome gracefully by calling it a sweet defeat. A great comfort is that I can be assured of the availability of over two hundred virtual shoulders to cry on from SSP76 (when all the lost sheep are found). That alone gives me enough courage to launch the project.

There is no need to fear for me the possibility of any dire situation I may end up in in terms of frustration and psychological damage, for a true adventurer never omits to build in a buffering mechanism to soften the blow of defeat. Assuming I am to remain in JB’s Pelangi area, I will probably invite some of you for breakfast at Lavender, lunch at Togugawa and dinner at Gianni so that the pleasant ambience and the gastronomical delight can make up for the less entertaining content of the conversation about my failed attempt.

No Lion or Leo but Dog and Puppy Stories

Our neighbourhood dog Molly has given birth to five puppies a few weeks ago. This morning they came out to wonder around for the first time despite their mother's chiding. I played with them and took some pictures. My neighbour, a co-owner of Molly, keeps shearing off her fur; now she looks quite miserable and thin.

~~~~~~

From childhood to adolescence I had noticed that adults had always looked at me as if I were a puppy. Whenever they spotted me, neighbourhood Teow Chew aunties would squad down to grab me, pat my head and pinch my cheeks saying: ‘Joo, Joo!’ Without television to provide colourful visions of fast-changing motions, pleasing sights and interesting dramas, people turned to their surrounding happenings for entertainment. Imbued with the qualities to gratify the need to behold and to admire, children became the main source of ordinary everyday life pleasure. In Europe prior to the seventeen century before the educational institution was established, children were raised as domestic pets. Yes, even in school, I soon became aware of teachers adoring gazes and doting gestures and remarks which they showered liberally upon me. Pavlov’s theory of Operant Conditioning proved to be valid and working in a little girl born of innate animal instinct like me. It is a nice feeling to be admired and praised; and desiring these rewards, I was always more than willing to smile, do a twirl or anything sweet and cute to win my admirers’ hearts.

Unknowingly, I had been conditioned to become a puppy!

All is well for a pet when its shelter is safe and sturdy. The moment its haven vanishes through the cruelty of reality or some fateful turns of event, a puppy is shocked to find that it has to mutate and transform into a leo overnight. The process entails much pain and struggle and only pedigrees have any hope of success.

Molly, a strayed non-pedigree, remains a dog.